Category Family

Hold on, I’ll Find You – a note to Self

Melanie Leave a comment

Ive often wondered what the world would be like if everyone lived out some self-actualization. It’s a brave act. To endeavor to do so requires not fitting in, going against a grain of social and societal or cultural norms on some level, since each person’s fulfillment of potentialities looks different. As a mom, my hope is for my children to discover early in life that being your true authentic self and responding to the call of your life’s purpose is the only way to happiness. Not sure who needs to read this but, it’s not your responsibility to make someone (even your partner) happy. Your job is to do the life’s work and purpose God set on your heart. You are called to be kind, demonstrate compassion and exhibit empathy to others. Happiness will happen to you and those who share your values will gravitate to you. That is a life fulfilled. Of course, it comes with costs, as anything of value does. Setting boundaries with those whose intentions and actions don’t align with yours is difficult.

4 years ago, I had to walk away from a relationship where I’d been unhappy for a long time. Wrongly, I didn’t recognize my responsibility in creating a space for myself where I felt loved and appreciated. I threw the entire task to my partner. It was unfair. I was “too much” yet I felt as if I wasn’t really enough. I wasn’t the person my partner needed- he voiced it in little ways, “why can’t you be like the other baseball moms” or when eyebrows were raised at my desire to pursue interests of my own. The way I dressed, the music I enjoyed, my approach to parenting – somewhere along the way (or maybe the issues were present the entire time) – we lost the connection that initially was enough to sustain the relationship. We just were not on the same path. Nothing was done at the expense of my children, but I do firmly believe that in order to fill others’ cups, you must fill your own. And I knew that to be the hallmark of an exemplary mother was to embrace my own self-actualization. If you are still struggling with finding a balance, or if you’re surrounded by people who don’t appreciate you for you, these words from one of my fav songs are a beautiful reminder:

“fight a little longer, my friend. It’s all worth it in the end. ” Tell yourself, “and when you have no one left to turn to, hold on, and I’ll find you.”

I’ll Find You by Lecrea (featuring Tori Kelly)

Here’s to finding yourself so that happiness finds you, my friends.

Where Did 2016 Leave You? Random highlights of my year…

Melanie 1 Comment

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I realize it’s  almost December 10, (I should be ordering our Christmas cards) and we still have Christmas to survive but I’m trying to do better with writing my thoughts as they occur to me and I happened to wander into the territory of looking back over the year at all the incredible -ness that has happened in 2016.   Some of my deepest thoughts come to me while doing HIIT on the stationary  bike at Club 24 Flowood watching Connor McGregor fight highlights and interviews.

Speaking of UFC,  I’m at a place in life where Im feeling like the thicker version of Ronda Rousey.  You know the one- when she’s training but the next fight is months away so she hasn’t leaned out yet to make weigh-in.  We still love her, because she’s Ronda.  But there’s work to do before getting to that sexy pre-fight state of physical nirvana.  We all know it’s gonna happen and we love it when it does, but in the mean time, we must be patient with the process.  (Obviously, I’ve spent a lot of time in this place.  In case that wasnt enough Ronda for you and you want to know the latest, here ya go!)   2016 was full of greatness but I’m definitely looking forward to all of the new and exciting adventures that await me in 2017!

Here are 10 highlights from my year 2016:

1. MIDDLE SCHOOL-  Gia moved from a small elementary school to a large middle school, where she cheers on the Northwest Rankin Middle School squad as well as continuing to competition cheer for Dynamite.  I’m basically a groupie/chauffeur/investor for this child.  She gives me her schedule, packs her own lunch, snacks, practice clothes, reminds me of games and events, arranges for fill-ins, if needed.  I think she could run a Fortune 500 company and she’s only 12.  And boys?  She’s not interested. Not even in the one who asks her to go out EVERY WEEK.  Bless that Will Holbrooks’ persistent little heart.

2. 5TH GRADE-  Fifth grade hit us hard. Like, Katrina- on- a- wrecking -ball hard.  I’m not sure what happened to Jack during the months of June, July, and August, but I’ve never in my life had to correspond so much with teachers about a child’s assignments.  It’s as if he doesn’t have a clue about what he does at school (because he doesnt, when asked). On October 11, I found papers in his book bag from early September that he claims he didn’t know existed.  He would rather take an incomplete in homework than bother with remembering to do it.  I was forced to adopt an entirely different approach to parenting than I’d previously used.  If you enjoy debating the correct pronunciation of the word ‘elementary’ and trying to explain why alligators are classified as reptiles, not amphibians to a 10-year-old who, clearly, is well-versed in the characteristics of both categories, I highly recommend having children.

3.   The Netflix app ON MY PHONE!!  I’m one of those people who would like to say I watch the latest Netflix sensations but I never seem to make the time.  Now, I can and have watched Black Mirrors, Mako Mermaids, and other stuff I wouldnt have previously while food prepping or putting on my make up.  Its like Jetsons around here and its fabulous!

4. BLACK BELT WORKOUTS – After over 4 years of training, this year, I finally earned my black belt in taekwondo!  Official.  Name on belt and errrythang!  But the fun had only just begun.  I now have the opportunity to train 1-2 times/week with Mr. Griffin, my instructor’s instructor and other higher-ranked black belts in incredibly tortuous, cardio-arrest inducing, grueling workouts.  I’ve cried, pondered death, prayed to the Lord and nearly vomited at least once during the past 10 months while attending these but the benefits far exceed those risks.  I always leave the mat with motivation and excitement at learning how to be a more skilled martial artist, how to grow in MY potential.  I look forward to the times I get to spend training.  Each instructor/teammate brings something unique, challenging, and valuable to training .  I learn from every session and later, once feeling returns to my legs, the results are amazing!   I can’t say enough good things about the entire experience!   Even as an adult, training in taekwondo has pushed me to improve in other areas of life, off the mat.  My instructors are my people.  This is my happy place.

5. WALMART GROCERY PICKUP– I really don’t think I need to elaborate on this one. (Get $10 off your first order by clicking here)

6. MILLENNIALS- According to Wikipedia, I missed being a millennial by a few years.   I may be a Gen-X -er, but V says I think more like a millennial.  Maybe I’m divergent.  Either way, millennials have gotten a bad rep lately – especially after throwing those tantrums (peaceful riots) after the presidential election. (Btw, I felt the same way earlier this year when I learned that I am, in fact , 4’10 and a half, not 4’11.5″ like I’ve been led to believe most of my adult life.  I’m still offended.)

Recently, at a staff meeting, an administrator mentioned attending a seminar about them… us(?)  Really? A seminar.  About Millennials.  And how to “deal” with them.  Seriously.  A full color printed flyer and everything!  What’s next?  National Geographic documentary?   Apparently, a Millennial trait is no job loyalty.  They change jobs frequently for more pay and better hours.   So what?  Can you blame them?  Companies don’t promote loyalty in their employees any more.  There is no recognition of tenure.  When I see nurses with 10, 20, 30 years experience, some retired and return- not given preference on things like scheduling and parking?  What does that company expect?  I’m not naming any hospitals here, but when you’re the largest facility in the Jackson area and going for Employer of Choice, this is how NOT to do it.  And stop picking on Millennials.  I’m praying 2017 brings positive changes for everyone!

7. Coconut Rice– I discovered this Heaven on Earth on a recent girls’ trip.  In the spirit of love and in this season of giving, I now share this gift with the world here.  The best-tasting version of this recipe can be found at Shaggy’s near Ocean Springs and should be enjoyed while visiting with friends during a 5 -hour dinner without the interruption of kids and husbands, but if that’s too extreme, go with adding it as a side for dinner one night.   Pineapple for desert. You’re welcome.

8. ALL THINGS HEALTH-  The ususal,  I’ve attempted to coerce my family into a healthier way of life.  This year, V started joining me on my 4:30 AM forays into the gym 2-3 days a week.  This is progress!   One of the ways I stay motivated and accountable to my fitness is via my 2nd IG acct.  Its and easy and free way to keep track of progress, much like a photo journal.   None of my pics are photo shopped, so haters don’t even start! Ha ha!  I found out that I have a genetic variant (along with 40% of the population) that predisposes me to cardiovascular disorders because of the inefficient way my body processses folate.  I’m so #unbothered.

Also….hip thrust: 190#.  My current weight is 105.  Even though I didn’t hit my goal to thrust 200 by the end of 2016, I still feel really proud and a little bit like Ant Man, to be honest.   That’s almost twice my body weight.  200 pounds will be a goal for 2017!

9. MINI MARSHMALLOWS IN COFFEE- Total coffee game-changer.  Life is too short not to experience this.  And this is exactly why having Amazon Prime and inviting your best friend over for coffee and conversation are good for the soul.  I love you, Amazon.

10. THE 2016 HATER’S GUIDE TO THE WILLIAMS-SONOMA CATALOG   Hilarious!

Well, there it is!  A random, tip-of-the-iceberg list of stuff that touched our little corner of the world over here at 250 Franklin Drive.  Best wishes to all and may our 2017 days be merry and bright!

 

 

 

Before you judge me, make sure you’re perfect

Melanie 9 Comments

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When Gia was born, I envisioned myself being the perfect mom to my daughter.   I would be kind, understanding and communicative at all the right times.  The terrible 2’s would not rattle me,  the years following would be a breeze.  I’d fill her full of life’s best advice while she listened eagerly as we snacked on fresh lemonade and home made cinnamon rolls whilst wearing matching pajamas (even though it’s not Christmas).     It was difficult to imagine that the child I loved so fiercely could ever show anything other than the same love and appreciation for me, her mom.  I had all the confidence in the world that my steadfast self control coupled with knowledge and razor sharp mommy skills would see me through any obstacle.  I was meant to be a mommy.  God’s plan, it was.

I planned to teach my daughter everything I knew- then more.   She would be like me, but with lots more of the good stuff.  Stronger.  More intelligent.  More beautiful.  Taller. More athletic.  Godly. Successful.  More well-rounded.  Just more.  I prayed for it.  I worked for it, too.  I read books.   And then one day, my taller (than me), more beautiful, athletic, Godly, intelligent daughter turned 12.

I had began to notice some moodiness, some borderline back -talk recently but I felt I was doing well, keeping my composure during these times,  reminding myself that she is under the influence of pre-teen hormones.  I met each push for independence , every challenge of my authority with what I hoped was firmness, understanding, and compromise.   That’s when “it” happened-  what’s known now in our family as “that day mom went Pootie Tang at the ballfield”.

“Everyone Has a Plan Until He Gets Punched in the Face”

It was a series of unfortunate events.   We were midway through a hot, 12 hour day of select ball.  Even for an energetic 9 y/o boy (Jack,  Gia’s brother) that’s a long day.  There had been multiple game time changes, losses, and a close friend’s gender reveal party that we were surely going to miss.  I had computer work I needed to do but no wi-fi at the complex, and despite the cooler full of healthy, money-saving snacks I had taken my personal time to prepare, I’d still shelled out $20 on concessions and the day wasn’t even over.  It didn’t help matters that I had just began cutting my calories in an attempt to drop some body fat. (At this point, you may need to refer to the title of this blog post.)

Gia had been verbally testing limits all morning so it should have come as no surprise that it would only get worse.  Perseverance is her strong suit and she is my daughter, after all.

Crazy that an Orange Crush Twizzler would spark such remarkable events, but such is life.  Gia had asked to try one, took one minuscule lick, then declared its disgustingness loudly.  She moved toward the trash can, ranting about how awful it was, which she couldn’t possibly know since, her tongue just only grazed the air above the Twizzler.  It was complete insanity!

Me: “Wait!  Don’t throw that away!  That’s wasteful.  I’ll save it for your brother, and, besides, I’d like a bite.”

What happened next can only be described as epic defiance in its rawest form.   Taking the Twizzler between thumb and middle finger and looking me right in the eye – DEAD IN THE EYE- Gia licked that Orange Crush Twizzler from one end to the other, and with one smooth flick of her wrist, plopped it into the trash can.  It was a performance worthy of at least an Emmy nomination.  I stood there, mouth gaped open, simultaneously appalled and impressed by her brazenness, while all the pretty thoughts of motherhood left me.

I heard and felt the rush of blood to my head, neck, then ears, felt the climb of color as it made its assent to my face.   I then had an out-of-body experience.  I felt my right arm snap out in a movement toward the bag of sunflower seeds Gia grasped in her left hand.   It was immediate, no deliberate thought involved, a grabbing reflex.  I watched the bag fly out of her hand, nail one of Jack’s coaches (also a friend of ours) perfectly center in he chest.  I saw eyes grow big,  Gia’s jaw drop, and heard my husband say, “Walk away, Gia.  Just walk away right now.  Give mom some space.”

Peace Like a River

I stood there, a bizarre peace about me.  Once the anger found its expression, it dissipated.  I then heard clapping behind me.   It was my husband.  I awaited the reprimand that likely deserved for losing self control over an Orange Crush twizzler.  Instead, he said, “Well, that needed to happen about 3 days ago.”

Faith Over Fear

Gia’s attitude improved remarkably after that- for a little while.  As common with children, there are easy times and difficult ones.  We were in a difficult time that day. Gia is a blessing of a daughter -exactly the “more” that I prayed for.  I was never promised (nor did I ask for) “easy.”

I think Gia and I both learned something that day at the baseball field.   I was reminded of my purpose.  See, Gia is trying to find her place in this world, just like all of us.   God entrusted me to be her guide. My job is to give her a safe place to test limits.  It’s also my job to set and teach her about boundaries.  My calling for my daughter is not friendship, which I see so many moms strive for with their daughters these days.  My purpose is to provide Gia with my presence,support, food, water, shelter and love.  Most importantly, I’m called to show her faith- in God and in her.     So, as we brave the upcoming “tween” years and beyond, I am holding fast to this prayer: “Lord, into your hands, I commend my spirit.”