Before I gain a nasty reputation as one of those perform-or-die cheer moms, let me state that  I in no way coerced Gia into competing while recovering from the flu.  She made the decision to compete, flu or no flu.

I picked Gia up early from school on Wednesday, not surprised to get the call that she was running fever.  She’d had a cough and scratchy throat.  With cheer performance on Thursday and competition on Saturday, missing these events was all her 10 year old mind could think about.  She was worried about letting down her team.

She was obsessed with monitoring her temperature, and when the Tylenol or Ibuprofen was in full effect and the fever under control, she declared she felt “fantastic,”  insisting that she could not miss cheer competition because her team needed her.  What courage! Honestly, she did not seem like a child who would later test flu- positive.  And she had been vaccinated.  She took a long nap Wednesday afternoon and I noticed dark , purplish circles forming beneath her eyes.

I kept her home on Thursday, having to miss work since Vonnie was out of town at a conference.  Gia reached for the thermometer, first thing.  I knew she had fever before she ever pulled the probe away from her mouth.  The rapid, frantic beeping of the thermometer warned us that the number was higher than the normal range.  Her temp was 101.1.  She stared, incredulous.  I watched disbelief morph into anger, then her little face crumpled and she looked at me with tears already spilling down freckled cheeks.

“I asked God to make me better last night!  I prayed to him to help me and I’m still sick!  He didn’t listen to me!”

Her disappointment was heart-breaking.  And I felt bad for God also.  She hardly gave Him enough time to work!  I tried to explain that God does listen but does not always provide answers immediately or in the way we expect.

This was the day we learned she had the flu.  I expected drama and major tears upon her hearing the verdict of the test.  None.  Gia was eerily quiet as we left the pediatrician’s office, speaking only after we were walking through the parking lot to the vehicle.

“Well, that was a surprise.”

Me:  “What’s that, sweetheart?”  I was furiously texting Vonnie to tell him the news, my mind racing through all the people I needed to message:  mom, my boss,  Gia’s teachers and coaches.

Gia:  “I didn’t think I had the flu.  I feel fantastic.  I don’t feel sick.”

I guess she didn’t remember the vomiting and 2 and a half hour nap  (read: coma) from the day before.  Kids amaze me with their resilience!   Obviously, no virus was gonna squash her determination to compete!

We bought medications:  Tamiflu and Augmentin (an antibiotic because bacterial pneumonia’s the most common secondary complication of having the flu), and we headed home to rest and medicate.  She insisted that she would compete  on Saturday, saying she would do anything at all to make it happen.  Her dedication is remarkable!

Friday

Gia slept until 9:15, almost 11 hours.

Me:  “How ya feelin’ this morning?”  The purple circles were less purple today.

Gia: ” Ready to compete.  I can’t wait til tomorrow!  Hand me that thermometer, please mom?

I touched her forehead and knew immediately that she was fever-free.  I told her this but gave her the thermometer anyway.  Her temp was 97.4!  I will never forget the look of joy and excitement on her face that morning.  All was right again in her little world.  It made me happy to see her happy.  She grinned at me and said (somewhat triumphantly), ” I’m not missing a competition- unless I have Ebola!”

I pray it doesn’t come to that!   But if it did, Ive no doubt Gia’s fortitude would carry her through the situation with aplomb.  I’m so very thankful for her strength and courage, her kind and caring coaches and teammates.  Gia, along with her team, pulled out a great performance and placed first in the competition!  Gia: 1, flu virus: 0.

“Courage is the spirit which enables one to face challenges with confidence and resolution.”

6th tenet of taekwondo

#spirit #cheer #tkd

“Time is money,”  people say, as if money is more important than time.  Wrong!  Time is TIME!  Once upon a time, I spent my time keeping spotlessly clean, glorious order in my house. Then, I had children and all of my order was swept away.  For the last 10 years, Ive had to come to terms with mismatched socks, messes of every kind, and even  *GULP*  leaving my bed unmade.  Pretty radical stuff!  Those are what folks call “little things” and they should not be minded.  The problem is, my brain minded them, but I realized that minding these “little things”  distracted me from the big, important things- like Gia giving me a make -over or Jack building me a Lego tower.  And that’s how motherhood re-aligned my priorities. I would advise everyone to enjoy each moment that is good, savor it, even. That sounds so cliché, even though Im as serious as it gets as I type this.   I say so because it is the truth and I have found this truth in my 30’s.   Seems like I had more time to do more stuff when I was in my 20’s, sans kiddos or even when the kids were small and I was not driving them to afterschool activities 4-5 times per week. That’s why I was able to write more, watch more TV, just relax more, put together presentations for work. Nowadays, we are on the move constantly. Some weeks, it seems we are living out of our SUV,-there ‘s so many clothes and snacks in there that we could survive at least the first week of the Zombie Apocalypse, maybe even longer.   Am I the only one who would welcome an alien abduction right now? The relief of not scrambling from place to place to make practices and events, while trying to find time to yourself and spouse is pretty irresistible.   How do I deal? I relish the moments in between the hectic schedules. I put the phone, pen, book down when Gia or Jack launches into a story about his/her day. Arrgh! That’s so difficult to do sometimes! But it’s super important! I make a conscious effort to be present and to make them see my presence, my interest.   In a world where everything is a competition and we are daily barraged with images/stories of people who do more, look great, eat healthy, make more money, have more fame, are funny, smart, it is easy to compare oneself to the best people and feel as though you don’t measure up. Ive come to realize that finding peace means not being weighted down by my shortcomings in comparison to others, but, rather, celebrating the things I do well and working on making them better.  This all sounds really great, but there are moments of weakness, when I get off track, wander down someone else’s road, pondering why Im not more like him or her.   The truth is, there is a lot to be said for minding one’s own business, instead of everyone elses’. When it comes to priorities, schedules, how I spend time and with whom I spend it, what activities we choose as a family- these things are MY business. What other people do in their lives is theirs and comparing oneself to another, well, you might as well compare apples to oranges.   No one family is exactly like another so if you’re trying to be like that super family (the one where everyone seems perfect), don’t bother. Trust me,   no family is flawless! (They feed their kids cereal for supper 3 times per week, just like the rest of us). Create your own unique life and experience it fully. And when life becomes just too much, hand that business over to God.     Handle the business of YOUR life and try very hard not to compare yourself, but look at all the great things YOU do and take joy. Take joy. Have peace. Find happiness.

Its tournament time again!  Jack and I will compete- he is 8 years old and flits through life and TKD effortlessly- without so much as a thought to give to tournament (or so it appears), until he is faced with the actual event. Oh, he enjoys taekwondo – he just does not stress over it, or anything else, really. He works on his form and his kicks and then gets distracted and runs off to play.  Last night, at 9 PM (2 days before tournament) he wanted to show me his form and practice sparring.   Of course, we did!  I love it when he initiates practice and, in fact, encourage it as often as possible.

I, on the other hand, adopt a rigorous plan to improve, especially the week of the event, putting in extra practice and class time, keeping my diet in check, getting plenty of sleep –and my performance? Honestly, it’s not great, compared to my more athletic, more experienced counterparts. That’s real. I feel like I work really hard for little return.

Why, then, do I compete? I try (constantly and consciously ) to seek the positive- it keeps me going and gives me hope. The positive is that I am better than I was almost 3 years ago and that many greats have come from being a part of this martial art community. I compete because I really REALLY believe that the experience will make me better, I want to practice performing in a stressful, tense situation, and the experience gives me knowledge and understanding of this aspect of taekwondo.  Surely, it makes for a better assistant on the instructor team as well.

See, I was not what anyone could call “athletic.” In fact, I’m an adolescent in the ways of athletics. Im in the process of “becoming.” As far as athleticism goes, I haven’t even hit puberty! But I’m changing every day and I’m happy (most of the time) with the progress. Nothing validates progress so well as when someone ELSE notices your progress. When one of Gia’s cheer friends’ mom assumed I cheered because I am in “great shape” or a patient’s family says I look too young to be a nurse, or the mom in Dick’s Sporting Goods mistakes me for an employee because I look “young and athletic,” I admit that at those times, I’m thankful for genetics and dedication to (mostly) healthy eating and regular exercise.

As a child, I was content to keep to myself, immersed in a book, writing poetry or short stories, anything to escape.  I dabbled in gymnastics and dance intermittently but nothing structured or competitive. At 34 years old, I walked onto the taekwondo scene…err…mat with zero athletic prowess. I’m quite sure it showed. But I loved the environment, the people, the training and workouts. Taekwondo under Mr and Mrs Dear’s tutelage is competitive, positive, and fair. If only I had discovered this jewel years ago!

The Ever-Looming Question: What if I Fail?

There really is no fail, but there are times I disappoint myself.  That’s a tough pill to swallow.  This past summer, at the world tournament, was one of those times.  Despite extra practice, eating especially healthy in the few weeks prior, and making sure to get plenty of rest and exercise, my  form competition was awful! I made simple mistakes.  By far, it was my worst performance at tournament.

I was devastated! I choked back tears of frustration as I watched everyone else do their form with less intensity, worse stances, and less precision, I thought, than me.  I fought to keep my composure, because: 1. I’m no spoiled-sport-cry-baby.  Fair is fair, and 2. I had to be a good example to Jack and Gia, who were watching.  The painful part was facing my instructors.

So, why compete again?  I deserve to give myself a chance to improve and I owe it to my instructors, who invest time and effort in my training.  I gained perspective at that tournament, with a little reality and humility thrown in.   But a disappointment such as this ? It doesn’t keep me from trying again- and I wanted to prove that to myself, that I’m no punk.  I can overcome disappointment.

A Silver…well, Bronze Lining

The 2014 World’s was not a complete bust for me.  I always enjoy seeing others (especially Jack) compete and this year I had decided to try board breaks for the first time at tournament.  What had I to lose?  Only experience to gain, and I definitely needed that!  I surprised myself by smashing 3 out of 5 boards- it felt good and I was happy.  I received a bronze (medal).

Facing the Music

As mentioned, I dreaded having to face my instructors, medal-less (in forms and sparring). I felt on the verge of a serious flood. Unfortunately, things like this are inevitable and so, shortly after the competition was over, I saw them.  My heart raced, my face burned, I wanted to disappear, but didn’t.    I never thanked Mr. Dear for choosing a crowded Subway restaurant as the place to ask how it went, but I’m glad he did.  No way was I gonna cry amongst a slew of people ordering meatball subs and chips!  Ridiculous!  It was a blessing and much less painful than anticipated.  Does this mean I’m a survivor?!  I like to think so.

Well, week #2 of house painting is drawing to a close and I’m feeling like I may need to buy a stocking to hang for Leo (the painter) just in case he is still toiling away at this house, come Christmas. 
He is just a little past half way done and please don’t mistake this for complaining- I just want my house back and the freedom to walk around it in tank top and skivvies til past 9 AM. I am very thankful- Leo is THE most particular, OCD-ish painter I’ve ever met and his work reflects such. He works alone and prefers it that way.
He is quiet, constantly working while at the house but a great conversationist, when engaged: we’ve talked mma, Lil Wayne, kids, boxing, our love for eating hot wings and just life, in general, the perfect ratio of silence :conversation, that being about 60:40 for me, on an average day, with someone not close to me.
All in all, the experience has been less tortuous than expected and I’m looking forward to restoring order (well physical order) back to our house.
The kids certainly have enjoyed it- each afternoon, on return from school, they run inside to see what progress has been made and proceed to interrogate Leo for info. He is living their dream- they would LOVE to get into that paint and “just roll one wall, mama!!”
So it’s Saturday and Leo will be here soon. I gotta get my yoga in before he comes, or else relegate myself to the bedroom so as not to subject him to such an atrocity as me making a (earnest and worthy) attempt at the Downward Facing Dog pose. 
Happy Saturday!

Two and a half years ago, “getting fit”  simply meant loosing weight to look and feel better. Vague and lacking direction were my goals, although earnest.  The thought of kicking and punching and trying something new to “get fit” was exciting.  I enrolled in taekwondo.

Taekwondo was  definitely the impetus I needed!  I experienced a dramatic change in perspective, a shift in goals, not just limited to health and fitness.   I wanted to be stronger, have more endurance, increase agility and flexibility.  Goals became more specific and not tied, simply, to aesthetics.   It makes for way better motivation at the gym, no doubt.

Also, and this may sound “far-out,” but hang with me here-  this entire “journey” has really helped me to accept that MY body can be fit and beautiful,  even if it is not 5″5 and ballerina-ish.  I see beauty in myself when I eat healthy and exercise so that I can push this body to it’s limits- that is beauty.  Beauty is not abusing the body to extremes in order to make it fit society’s ideal.

“Beauty is in purpose.  Your body was designed for a purpose.”  A friend recently pointed this out to me. His words were absolutely spot-on!  Indeed, my body enabled me to bring forth 2 healthy children.  It gives me freedom to walk, climb, run, jump, squat, kick, hug, laugh, punch….well, you get the picture.  When we attempt to completely alter, rather than enhance, the innate design, it is not healthy.  But when we accept ourselves and strive to make the body we have more fit, well, that is health.  That is beautiful.

 

Learning to walk is a huge milestone in life.  It opens the door to independence, exploration, responsibility.   I learned to physically walk many years ago, but continued growth as a person involves these very concepts, and more.  Each time life tests me,  I am learning to walk all over again.  Love, family, career, interests, health, friends, relationships, and in all of the intricacies of a person’s life there is something new to be learned and in learning, a person grows, gaining insight.  It’s every bit as exciting as when a child learns to finally coordinate brain and body in order to walk!  It may be wobbly at first but the more practice one has, the better one becomes.  Oooofff and a lot of life has happened since I was last here.

Im (still) all about learning and life and growth.  I (still) want to find myself to be a better, much improved person with every  passing day, each new experience.  I believe many people do as well, except they don’t verbalize it or maybe they don’t consciously pursue it, with the rush of daily life swirling about them.

Ive always enjoyed writing, yet never had formal training beyond what was required of me in school.  Now, in the age of blogs anyone, and I mean ANYONE can write, and so here I go – from paper and pen to keyboard.  First post- again… well sort of…! {REVISED April 2022}

#officialblogger

Melanie Ellis