It’s easy to become stuck in a desperate”fix-it-at-all-costs” situation if you feel threatened by the loss of a relationship. You place yourself in danger of accepting things or making compromises that don’t align with your authentic self, simply because you want to avoid the loss of your familiar routine way of living, even if that way has become unhealthy for you.

The process of accepting “what is” and moving forward becomes even more complicated when the ego is at play. In the past, Ive felt the want for my partner to validate my worth in ways that I felt I could receive, albeit over the top . My ego was involved. I could not recognize how my partner WAS doing exactly what I was asking- just not in the way I’d expected or requested. I didn’t receive the effort. Through many grueling trials, I learned that not everyone can react the way I think I need. What now? Here, I must become uncomfortable with myself as I set my ego aside and accept what is in front of me- or not. Either way, in order to progress to a state of peace, a change from the current situation must occur and that is what is most difficult for people. I must come to terms with the reality that I will not get the validation I see in the exact manner in which I see it. It’s similar to not getting that apology you believe you are owed. Where does that leave you, emotionally? Can you find contentment in yourself so that you don’t rely on another to ease the turmoil within you? This is the real internal work. No matter what the situation or relationship, no matter what the outcome, you have to trust that YOU will take care of YOU.

How do I take care of me?

1. Acknowledge that you are capable of loving and being loved.
2. Appreciate the things that you learned. No time is ever wasted, even in “bad’ relationships. With a growth mindset, you can reflect on how you’ve become a better version of you. Did you learn more about personal boundaries? Did you speak up for yourself? You may not realize just how far you’ve come .
3. Use the time to lean into meaningful friendships. Connection is healing. This is well-studied. Healthy friendships serve to add value and fulfillment to your life.
4. Allow yourself a time of grief of the loss of your relationship but know that this time will pass. Life happens in seasons and these times don’t last.
5. Focus on rebuilding a space that is yours and yours alone. Often, we enter into a relationship and, as 2 lives entwine, it becomes difficult to see yourself as separate from the relationship. Try to remember that you are your own vibe. I know that sounds a bit overplayed but each person brings a an energy to a scene. Remember who you are and what you contribute. I believe there is someone for everyone.