Ive always been one to be grateful, even for the hardships because they make me appreciate the sunshine. In other words, I’m not one to easily have her joy taken from her. However, 2021 and 2022 have proven to be some of the most difficult times in my entire life. I lost my daughter to a manipulative, evil, lying (and I suspect clinically sociopathic – Ive a Master’s in nursing so trust me on this one) person who continues to make attempts at corrupting my life.

This is a test. We all know how it goes: the more you embrace God and lean into Him, the harder you live your truth and carve a life of your own, choose good, or brave the difficult but necessary choices, the more you make intentional effort at a life of peace, the harder the devil preys on you, hunts you, and stalks you. How else can a warrior stay primed and ready for battle, except but to be challenged and put to the test? It becomes a battle of inner strength, grit, and perseverance. My specialties.

This person may have won the fight for now, while my daughter is young and inexperienced, but the battle rages on. And I’m here for it. You see, I have a weapon that is absolutely and unequivocally unbeatable; one that he (or anyone else, for that matter) can never posses: love. I am my daughter’s only mother and the love I have for her is unmatched. Therefore, I’ve won the battle already. It’s a pray and wait situation.

I brought this matter to God last year. He knows what’s up. It took my inept, imperfect little heart and mind to get here, but I finally realized that this is most definitely a pray and wait sort of thing. I can only control myself, not others. I can only make decisions for me. The turmoil I was in from being estranged from my daughter- I handed it over to Him. I’m too weak to bear it. It brings me peace to pray and wait. Hope.

My daughter disappeared 1 day after her 18th birthday March 11, 2022. A mother’s nightmare come true, it was. I prayed. I waited. She resurfaced after several days, on a Saturday. I left my 10 hour shift at the hospital to go see her at her dad’s house. He called the police because she was angry with me. Decisions made from evil intentions. Pray and wait.

I wasn’t allowed to see her at her HS graduation (except from a far corner of the coliseum). My father later gave her the gifts, money and card I wrote to her. (No response) Nevertheless, I found joy in knowing that I prepared her well for that day and the days to follow, academically and socially. I was beyond proud of her and I made that known in the card written to her. It really gives me peace that she knows I am here for her when she is ready. She needs only to reach out. Always, Im praying, waiting.

I never imagined that I’d be estranged from someone I’ve loved so much for so long. I’ve invested my life in her and the evil that has happened to our family is something unfathomable. Even my own mom has bent to the whims of a disgruntled teen. Family doesn’t always mean loyalty nor does it’s members always have the capability to stand up for good. I pray. I wait. I forgive. I myself am weak at times.

My strength and love go beyond what ever relationship my daughter has with anyone else. I don’t care that she doesn’t contact me on Mother’s Day or my birthday. My heart is filled with love for her now, no different than when I held her in my arms or when she was 9 and left me a “you’re the best mom ever. You’re a pink starburst” note on my computer keyboard. Consistent praying. Patient waiting.

My daughter has started college and is working full time. I hear she’s doing well in both school and her job and that gives me great comfort! I continue to pay for half of her college books and fees (she received a scholarship for tuition). That gives me joy as well. My cup is as full as I allow myself to see it. My heart is bursting with hope!

The past 18 months have been rich with growth for me. Protect your peace. Focus on what you can control . It’s ok to set boundaries, even with family members. Don’t rely on others for validation. I know the dedication I’ve shown as a mother all of my daughter’s life. I was there 100%. That’s all the validation I need. Most of all, if you find yourself in a hopeless situation, give it over to a power greater than yourself. Accept that situations evolve and that you are not in control of the timeline. Be the best version of yourself, live unapologetically and, most importantly, PRAY and WAIT.