When my children were ages 10 and 8, and we were in the throes of elementary school and extracurricular activities, I wrote them each a letter. I found them, recently, as I was flipping through an old journal that I kept during those busy years. I remembered the context and why I wrote them. The letters brought back those days mixed with the excitement of discovery of new things and the frustration of juggling schedules. It was a time of rapid growth and learning- for us all. Even as it caused me stress, I recognized the lessons being taught and, hopefully, the characters being built. The letters served, for me, as a bittersweet reminder to myself, that these crazy days of piles of homework and late nights at cheer, dinners in the car and staying off “red” at school, would one day end and peace would be restored to our lives. They were a form of motherly expression, a means to find perspective in the midst of a chaos that so many moms find themselves in. This little snapshot of my life as a mom of 2 and the advice offered herein has relevance for me, even today. It did me good to read these. I’d forgotten some really important things and here, I was reminded. Of note, these were written on my 37th birthday, September 4, 2014.

Dear brave, detailed Gia,

I saw you working so diligently on your human body circulatory system. You asked me over and over what colors to paint which blood vessels – veins and arteries- there was no distinction offered in the assignment. Your attention to detail – well, it’s just amazing! It’s this attention to detail (and the textbook artist’s lack there-of) that caused you such frustration.

My intelligent and creative girl- don’t allow something like that to cause you such worry. To be sure, details are important, but think carefully about spending your emotional energy on details that don’t matter. Do the best with what you’ve got and move on! Focus on the details that give meaning to your life, beautiful child, and let the rest go. I love you always, Gia.

Mom

Dear Jack- my strong, courageous Jack,

I see how hard you try to do everything so right and so perfect for everyone.Your parents, teachers, coaches, instructors- we all know that you give your best. And we LOVE that about you! It is this energy, this desire to be your best, that makes you unique. Every letter you practiced writing in kindergarten had to be perfect, or you would erase and begin again, even to the point of erasing a hole right through the paper! That focus and patience shows that you care about the work you do and this characteristic will serve you well throughout your life. Indeed, it has already paid off- your handwriting is exceptionally neat, especially for a 3rd grader!

Your standards are high and you are unwilling to settle for anything less than excellent. Your mistakes frustrate you. But I must tell you, intelligent, determined boy, that it’s ok to mess up sometimes. In fact, I love your mistakes! Mistakes mean that you are growing. It’s how we ALL learn and everyone makes them. Mistakes don’t make you a bad person. They shape you into a better person. It means you were brave enough to try and that you are smart enough to know what to do differently next time. I love you always, Jack.

Mom

We should all focus on the details that give meaning to our lives and not sweat the small stuff, so to speak. We could do with the reminder to view mistakes as opportunities for growth and improvement. I wouldn’t trade that season of motherhood for all the money in the world. We (both the kids and I) learned some valuable lessons during those days. And I’d like to think we’re all the wiser and better for it.