Ive often wondered what the world would be like if everyone lived out some self-actualization. It’s a brave act. To endeavor to do so requires not fitting in, going against a grain of social and societal or cultural norms on some level, since each person’s fulfillment of potentialities looks different. As a mom, my hope is for my children to discover early in life that being your true authentic self and responding to the call of your life’s purpose is the only way to happiness. Not sure who needs to read this but, it’s not your responsibility to make someone (even your partner) happy. Your job is to do the life’s work and purpose God set on your heart. You are called to be kind, demonstrate compassion and exhibit empathy to others. Happiness will happen to you and those who share your values will gravitate to you. That is a life fulfilled. Of course, it comes with costs, as anything of value does. Setting boundaries with those whose intentions and actions don’t align with yours is difficult.

4 years ago, I had to walk away from a relationship where I’d been unhappy for a long time. Wrongly, I didn’t recognize my responsibility in creating a space for myself where I felt loved and appreciated. I threw the entire task to my partner. It was unfair. I was “too much” yet I felt as if I wasn’t really enough. I wasn’t the person my partner needed- he voiced it in little ways, “why can’t you be like the other baseball moms” or when eyebrows were raised at my desire to pursue interests of my own. The way I dressed, the music I enjoyed, my approach to parenting – somewhere along the way (or maybe the issues were present the entire time) – we lost the connection that initially was enough to sustain the relationship. We just were not on the same path. Nothing was done at the expense of my children, but I do firmly believe that in order to fill others’ cups, you must fill your own. And I knew that to be the hallmark of an exemplary mother was to embrace my own self-actualization. If you are still struggling with finding a balance, or if you’re surrounded by people who don’t appreciate you for you, these words from one of my fav songs are a beautiful reminder:

“fight a little longer, my friend. It’s all worth it in the end. ” Tell yourself, “and when you have no one left to turn to, hold on, and I’ll find you.”

I’ll Find You by Lecrea (featuring Tori Kelly)

Here’s to finding yourself so that happiness finds you, my friends.